How to Tell If He's a Good Guy

All the red flags you need to know for how to tell if he's a genuinely good dude or really just a jerk in disguise, courtesy of our friends at YourTango ^[1].

Because actions always speak louder than words.

It used to be a good thing when someone called a man a "nice guy".^[2]

Nice guys don't just open the car door for you, they really listen when you talk about your day. A nice guy ^[3] buys you a messy bouquet of daisies just because. They spend Sunday afternoons playing checkers with their grandmothers and actually enjoy themselves.

It used to be the case that a "nice guy" was the kind of man you wound up marrying, presumably after you had a lot of fun with some very bad boys.

Every man wants to think that he's a nice guy, but not all of them are.Feminists have coined the phrase "Nice Guy TM"^[4], to describe a man whose "nice" deeds are only ever done in the hopes of receiving sexual favors from a woman in return.

If you think you might be dating a not-so-nice guy ^[5], check our list below for the eight things a REAL nice guy would never, ever do.

If someone likes you, of course they want to spend time with you. But a real nice guy ^[6] understands that you have a life of your own to live, and that means you can't be with him every second of every single ^[7] day.

A real nice guy gets it, moreover he expects you to have a life that's separate from him. A not-so-nice guy views your time as his right.

A true nice guy is circumspect when he talks about why a past relationship ^[8] stopped working. He might harbor feelings of anger or resentment towards an ex, he might even feel like she mistreated him, but he'll never drag her through the mud or call her "crazy" when he's talking about their shared past.

If a guy trash talks every single one of his exes what's to stop him from doing the same if you two don't work out?

Real nice guys don't need to tell you that's what they are. They show you, in a myriad of tiny, thoughtful ways.

A not-so-nice guy uses his nice guy status to remind you of what you're missing if you reject him. He wears his nice guy status ^[9] like a security blanket. It's a delusion. Niceness is action, not just words.

Rejection is never fun and it's never easy. Putting your heart on the line only to have it handed back to you takes a lot of inner strength.

A real nice guy ^[10] knows how to bow out gracefully if you tell him that you don't want to go on a second date. A not-so-nice guy gets mad, and blames you for stupidly missing out on the best thing you might ever have.

We spend a lot of time interacting with our loved ones online, that's just how things are.

Some not-so-nice guys might know how to behave in public, but that doesn't translate into proper conduct on the web. A not-so-nice guy is quick to undermine the opinions of others, takes general statements as personal attacks, and in worst case scenarios uses the internet as their forum for venting their not-so-well-hidden anger and frustration with the world.

In addition to blaming you for being too dumb to realize how great he is, not-so-nice guys also love blaming so-called "bad boys ^[11]" for your lack of attraction ^[12] to them.

Not-so-nice guys don't understand that a direct, honest, communication of attraction doesn't make a guy bad, it makes him decent. You know what IS bad boy behavior? Pretending to be our friend in the hopes of one day "tricking" us into your bed.

Not-so-nice guys play the long game. Rather than express their romantic ^[13] feelings honestly, they hide them and pretend to be a friend and system of support.

The problem here is that sometimes they succeed in the last thing they intended: building a real friendship. There's no such thing as the friend zone, there's just friendship ^[14], and it's just as valuable as a romantic relationship if entirely different.

A real nice guy knows this is true and doesn't undermine it.

A nice guy sees a woman passed out on her bed, covers her with a blanket and turns the light off. A not-so-nice guy may do this, but on his way out is thinking, "I'm such a nice guy for not raping her while she slept".

That's not nice, that's common decency, do not REMOTELY get it twisted, dude.

More juicy reads from YourTango:
50 Romantic Quotes That'll Remind You Why Love Is ALL That Matters
4 MUST-DO Tips For a Successful Monogamous Relationship
How to Find Love (and Know It's For REAL This Time)^[15]^[16]^[17]